I thought that I would be crowned as the" most hilarious one" by putting Sarah Palin's memoirs, Going Rogue, in our ( bleeding heart liberal) family's Yankee Swap. Too bad the joke was one me as I was both criticized for " giving her money" and ended up with the novel myself. No one was interested in her crap, especially not me. However, since I did in fact " give her money", I must atone for that sin and redeem myself by taking the 413 pages of BS and doing something productive with it.

In an exercise of tolerance, intrigue and self restraint ( meaning the self restraint I will require to NOT throw this book out the window), I've made a New Year's resolution to read and analyze my nemesis, Sarah Palin,literary "endeavor" . I use the term endeavor loosely as Palin herself didn't write it, she hired a ghost writer. Clearly, Palin herself does not possess any semblance of writing skills as she obviously struggles just to speak coherent and grammatically correct sentences. I wonder too why this book wasn't found in the Fiction section, as, so far, it seems to be about as far from the truth as humanly possible.

Let' see, nestled somewhere in the boring and irrelevant description of her life up until " politics" ( I use that term loosely as well because.. well come on, it's Alaska!), she manages to bash government interference and " skewed priorities in government" as exampled in her near arrest for driving a snowmobile without a license as a teenager ( once again, it's Alaska).

Sarah describes ( ad nasueum) how much she " loved" to read as a child. According to her, she couldn't get enough of reading! If she wasn't oil drilling, shootin' moose or illegally snowmobiling, she was " reading" ( again here, I'll use this term loosely). Sarah dear, we weren't just dumped off the back of a snowmobile, we're all very well aware that your attempt in convincing your readers that you are in fact, a reader yourself, is purely a means to counter the fact that you looked like a complete IDIOT on national television when you couldn't come up with one publication that you "read". For someone who can conjure up all the ( children's) books you've read, I find it hard to believe that you couldn't even think up something like the Wasilla Gazette. And, by the way, amidst all the titles that you voraciously scoured in your childhood, I didn't once see a title related to safe sex, hmm...

Within the first thirteen pages, I feel that Sarah strongly hints at a parallel between herself and the " heroic figures" in her life; Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and Harriet Tubman. That part made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. She goes on to describe the " visionary- and colorful- characters" that Alaska attracts. She cites Secretary of State, William H. Seward and author Jack London. Hmm Sarah, a national politician and an acclaimed writer, both of which you are NOT! ( And, hopefully never will be!)

You think that would be enough garbage for a first chapter right? Wrong, she definitely bashes the ACLU by page 28:

" In those days, ACLU activists had not yet convinced young people that they were supposed to feel offended by other people's free exercise of religion".

This of course was in reference to her bible study group held in her public high school. Apparently, in her devoted service in public office and bid for the Vice President of the United States, Sarah forgot some integral parts of our constitution; the separation of church and state. To her the ACLU convinces people to be offended by ( at times extremely offensive and oppressive) religious practices. Funny, last I checked the ACLU is worked tirelessly to DEFEND religious practices. Even the ones of that scary witch doctor who blessed you a few years ago.

The rest of the 62 pages mainly deals with Alaska itself, and Todd of course. I have to admit, Alaska seems like such a beautiful place and her ghost writer did a seventh-grader's job of describing it to us. However, it's hard to take in so much beauty when the thought of a very ugly, ugly person keeps getting in the way. And, when I say ugly person, I'm referring to her classless, deceitful soul and not her aesthetic appearance. Because come on, even a Palin-hater like myself can admit that she's kinda hot; in a moose huntin' ignorant kind of way!

I'm well into chapter two, and have been surprised that this hasn't been marketed as a comedy because I've sure had some laughs, at her expense, already.

More to come!